Disaster has been averted

Hello nearly non-existent population of loyal minions,
It’s been some time since my last post and the only explanation I can offer is that I just haven’t had many moments of cynical inspiration in the last little while. This lack of gusto to indulge in a cynical rant has left me concerned to say the least. Have I lost my cynical edge? Or has the world become less in need of cynical chastisement for anything and everything my heart desires? Is there nothing to inspire cynicism any more? Luckily two things leapt out to save me from utter cynical-less despair.
One is the opinion section in the last couple of Edmonton Journals. Once again everyone’s favourite topic of Creation vs. Evolution has come up, and everyone and their dog feels the need to throw in their two cents worth. Actually, I think if their dogs said something it would be more intelligent than half the letters that get put in. And the stupidity is, thankfully, not limited to one side or the other. Both the pro-evolutionists and the pro-creationists have written statements that elicit the same response in me as nails on a chalkboard. “Evolution is just a theory”, “Evolution is a fact”, “There is no evidence supporting Evolution”, “Religion and Science are completely separate”, and perhaps the most idiotic “Scientists around the world are abandoning the theory of Evolution”. Even the people preaching some sort of moderation between the two have had some hair raisingly moronic things to say. Let me tell you, any fears that I had that my cynicism may be ebbing were soundly put to rest as I read letter after letter drawing far reaching, absolute conclusions while presenting little or no evidence to support them. And when evidence was presented the authors acted as if one or two statements of evidence was enough to deductively conclude that their position is 100% correct; much as I am claiming all these people are idiots based on short excerpts from letters edited by the paper for length and brevity. But, this is my blog, and I can be as hypocritical and nasty as I want, and if anyone has a problem with that, I’ll simply delete their comment. Oh yeah. Wow, that actually makes me feel a surge of empowerment. It’s like candy for the soul.
The second thing that brought my cynical edge roaring back was a somewhat more light hearted article in Chuck Shepherds “News of the Weird”. It is as follows.
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Recent scholarly findings (reduced to their essence in a May Wall Street Journal column): It's much easier to identify someone if he is physically near you than if he is up to 450 feet away (Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, February). People who choose their careers carefully, rather than on a whim, experience greater job satisfaction (Journal of Economic Psychology, vol. 26, no.3). College students tend to drink more alcoholic beverages than they realize (Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, April). If patients voluntarily tell a doctor about a bad side effect of a medicine, they are more likely to be switched to a safer one than if they don't (Archives of Internal Medicine, January). [Wall Street Journal, 5-27-05]
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Now that is funny stuff. I think I’m going to see if my boss will pay me to research such burning questions as:
- is it bad when buildings fall on peoples heads?
- Are Men more likely to pee standing up than Women?
- Are bald people less likely to buy hair gel than people with full, thick hair?
- Are most letters to the editor written by inbred hillbillies?
- Is this blog a cynical outlet for a nerd who hides in the electronic netherworld of the internet because he would pee himself if he ever had to actually back up what he says?
Burning questions, each of them. Only one of which is in any way related to my job, but I’m sure my boss would see the need to fund my research. I will leave you with on final question which I have already looked into, and the conclusive answer I discovered which is 100% true for all people for all time.
- If people leave some comment regarding creation vs. evolution as a comment for this post will they be thoroughly mocked and have anything they might have to say deleted from the comments? …………… Answer: Yes. Most definitely. So don’t even bother.

P.S. Although, if my mocking of you is suitably clever and makes me look good, I might leave it up simply to feed my already swollen ego. Be warned!