Then, It Is War

Arise my expectant army of cynical super soldiers!
This day I have been awakened to an offence against my cynical fortress that cannot, nay will not, be tolerated. My beautiful Fortress of Solitude, a bastion of cynicism in a world which gorges itself on the ridiculous trash of this ignorant cesspool we call ... uh.... something. Some foolish individual has taken it upon himself to spam the comment sections on blogs with advertisements for some moronic home loan plan. Imagine how the cynical bile rose in my throat as I saw a spam comment in my precious Fortress of Solitude. This is more than just cause for war, so austin152irvin, you had best prepare yourself, because you are about to get tattled on worse than any tattling you have ever experienced. I'm going straight to the bogspot webmaster and I am telling him exactly what you did to my precious piece of cynical heaven. It has been defiled with your putrid spam mail, and I will never, ever even consider thinking about possibly consulting you on my home loan needs. EVER! In fact, because of this flagrant disrespect for my home away from home, I will never even purchase a house. Take that austin152irvin. As you totter home, bent over from the verbal kick to the groin you just received consider this - I've only just begun. By the time my offensive against you is complete, there won't be enough left of you to feed the swarm of flies that will inevitably envelope your carcass when they smell the aroma of freshly laid crap that continuously emanates from your sorry excuse for a body. Your head will decorate my wall! Cynical horde be unleashed, find this austin152irvin and destroy! DESTROY!